NEW YORK DAILY NEWS REPORTER GOES IN SEARCH OF A GREAT HAT:

Men in hats
The trick is to find the perfect balance of function and fashion
BY JOE NEUMAIER
Monday, July 23rd 2007

At the end of last summer, after almost 39 years of parting on the side, my hair and I parted ways.

It was sad, it was sweet sorrow - and it left me with a bald patch on the top of my head the size of a catcher's mitt.

When caught in the sun, I no longer had some lanky strands to keep my hide from tanning.

So this summer, I decided to be prepared. Slathering on SPF helps, but as June began and my head went from looking like Ed Harris' to something resembling an angry pustule, I realized I had to ensure some protection, which meant only one thing: a hat.

I secretly enjoyed the prospect of having to wear a hat - maybe I could get a cool snap-brim, I thought, like Bogie wore in his '40s film noirs. Or a "stingy-brim" fedora, like Sinatra popularized in the '50s. Or a natty retro golfer's hat, like the kind Sean Connery wore in 1964's "Goldfinger." But as reality set in, I realized that those guys all lived in different eras and looked much cooler in hats than I do (they also had hair, even if, as in Connery's case, it lived in a box).

So I went about auditioning what would become not only protection from the lack of ozone but a fashion statement, a warm-weather requirement that didn't make me look foolish. Besides online shopping, there are still terrific hat stores like Harlem's Heaven (2538 Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Blvd., at W. 147th St.), the Hatshop (45 W. 57th St.) and J.J. Hat Center (310 Fifth Ave.). Still, it wasn't easy finding my style.

First I went basic. Remembering how comfortable Hawkeye Pierce looked in a fatigue hat on "M*A*S*H," I tried a Patagonia bucket hat. Retailing for around $30, it was comfortable, it was lightweight and it said "at ease."

But it also had a ruffled edge that hung into my line of vision, covered up all my remaining hair and, instead of Hawkeye; it was more like the Skipper screaming, "Hey, Gilligan!" I put the bucket hat - and its more streamlined brother, the boonie hat - aside.

Then I thought I'd go with a classic Panama hat, which, when you first put it on, can actually make you feel like you're on a beach in Panama, sucking down mai tais. But God help the guy who walks into a bar wearing that the moment "Margaritaville" starts on the CD player or jukebox. Don't blame Jimmy Buffett, man - it's your own damn fault.

The last stop on the basic line was that most basic of all hats, the baseball cap, available for anything from under $10 to upward of $30 (the rightly despised hipster-doofus "trucker hat" was never an option). I did use to wear backwards baseball caps on occasions; it was faster than showering when I was joining friends for a late weekend brunch.

But now, with no hair to show through the front and being a decade out of my 20s, I looked like George Costanza. And wearing it right-side-out, with the brim over the eyes, is like donning a golfer's hat: only for those who wear it for the job.

Then I upgraded - I thought if this was going to be part of my wardrobe for a fourth of the year, it ought to look right. I tried the snap-brim fedora (anywhere from $40 to upwards of $200). Sure, I looked like Bogie, but also like a bookie, or a trying-to-be-cute gossip columnist. Wool, felt, straw - nothing clicked.

I tried the rakish offshoot of the fedora, the gambler's hat, and would bet the house that I'd be mocked from here to Palookaville in that thing. The cabana boy (around $30) looked a bit too '90s boy band. The biker cap, too "Boys in the Band." The military corduroy cap, too "Boys in Company C."

I tried an explorer hat ($40 and up), but I looked like a funhouse-mirror Indiana Jones, though it offered great sun protection. European driving cap? I'm neither European nor much of a driver.

Kangol cap? I'm only Samuel L. Jackson on the inside.

Cowboy hat? Garth Brooks - not good. Looks like I may be stuck with whatever fits for $10 at Duane Reade, even if it has Dora the Explorer on it.

On second thought, maybe extra sunscreen is it. Because there's nothing sadder than a man chasing the perfect hat.

HAT DO'S AND DONT'S
From hat diva Eugenia Kim:

DO wear a fedora to dress up regular jeans and a T-shirt, or use it as an alternative to a tie at the office.

DON'T mis-match your hat to your face shape. A classic fedora with a longer brim looks better on guys with a large noggin, and mini-fedoras and porkpies look best on narrower faces.

DO wear one of our trooper's or knit caps as a stylish way to keep your head warm during the winter.

DON'T wear a color that clashes with your outfit. It is best to keep hats in the same tonal family as your outfit (dark brown with beige, tan and cream, or black with navy, gray and white).

DO pick out a fedora or hat color that complements your skin tone. Black, charcoal, navy and chocolate look good on all types. Cream, natural, or warm browns look good with a tan.

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2007/07/23/2007-07-23_men_in_hats.html